fingers deep within my muscle fibers…

he moved his hips toward mine as I pushed my body further and further away from him. my back hits the wall and the scar on my back pushed into the exposed brick face. i screamed as the scar opened up, and doubled over in pain. he wasted no time, flipped me to my back and slid his right index finger into my gaping scar. he was always a beserk maniac and my pain made him smile. it always has…

i find myself dreaming more and more about him…his fingers pulling apart my skin…layer by layer. his inquisitive fingers are like whispers deep within my muscle fibers, demanding justification for them being there. am i going mad? i ask myself this every night and wake up with silent screams on my lips.

i am afraid that i will whisper my shadow name for him as someone else claims my body as his own. i am giving my body and soul to a new lover with open arms, thrilled that he is enthralled and enamored by mine, as much as i am craving his shoulder blades jutting into my clawing fingers. i know that i am falling into a pit that i am frightened of…immensely…but i am falling into it with a man who understands my depravity. for this i am always on my toes, watching my new lover’s every move and word. am i afraid that he will actually reject me in time because my deprave mind needs so much for that beautiful silence…i am frightened. more frightened than i have ever been.

and it is this realization that actually is driving me into my new lover’s arms…