he has moved on…i saw him today in the subway with his hands around her fingers…laced with arsenic i wanted to move in…and rip her fingers off his beautiful body. i seethe when i look at her…his new toy…she wears her scars with pride. her legs show new cuts…the pattern is amazing to look at, his hands are much steadier now.
two years…i have waited for him…my alley visits have left me tattered and destroyed, but i still go for my constitutional raping…the men who visit me are my regulars…they were brutal when they began, but as they realized i would come back again and again…empathy took over. humankind is a strange species…once we fulfill our primal sexual needs, grunting and brutal…mankind feels for the limp body that he has ripped apart. there is a fear now…they are afraid of me actually being here…they do not understand why i keep coming back…every night, at the same time…they wait for me in a jagged line.
i flutter between consciousness and madness when they come at me in droves…they are methodical, and have imposed rules on the way the game is played. they do not touch my face or my breasts…they only slam into my rawness and leave. i have no need to remind them about condoms….the old man who waits for me on the air mattress that they have laid down for me insists that they all have condoms on. this is my punishment. i have been such a whore to patodia and many others…this is my penance…my reward.
he knows this….he has come to watch me, i know this because i can feel his heartbeat thumping madly in my veins. no one loves like this without being in tuned to each others bodies…i know when he sucks on her taunt nipples…i can taste the latent milk in my mouth. i want to spit it all out…but i crave his touch so i swallow because i am tainted.
he has turned me into a depravation…a ’serial conversationalist’ as my siblings have taken to calling me. i think they say that because they are afraid of saying the ‘w’ word…that they think that i have crossed the line and am a whore. patodia passed by me at the grocers yesterday and he did a double take. my figure has finally become what i always wanted it to be…the space between my legs is raw and damaged, but the rest of me is clean and beautified. i feel whole…physically. patodia tried to remember me as i watched him from the corner of my left eye standing in front of the apples. when i softly touched his elbow in the soup aisle, he practically shouted out…
the tables have turned and the roles are reversed…his left hand has a tell tale tan and he is shopping in a small cart instead of a trolley. i am amused and intrigued. two years have changed both of us…i am shattered and incomplete, but have a sense of balance in my madness. he is shattered and completely broken…i wanted to hold his hands and tell him that i would always be there for him. he was silent for a good two minutes as he stared at my face…i smiled for him and as realization dawned…he smiled back and laughed softly. i had forgotten how beautiful he looked when he smiled…
